only girl

she's wearing a polka-dotted swimsuit

under

plastic pants

pink tights

a purple shirt

and a Santa Claus hat

she goes from laughing hysterically

to sobbing in the corner, humiliated

over something none of us remember

and though we try to hide it

the world revolves around her

lash-fringed eyes and pouty pink lips

oh baby, how did you get to be the queen? 

adopting 2

also written 5/26/10, waiting for our first adoption match

You’re moving

From a dream in my heart

To a person in my hands

From an idea

To a baby

Arms and legs and twinkling eyes

I’m starting to believe

I will love you

Even more than the hope of you

And as I lift you

From your basket

We become a family

adopting 1

written 5/26/10, waiting for our first adoption match

Today

You are safe, nestled in your mother’s womb

She will give you life

Because of love

You are a survivor

Your generation is decimated

An empty crib, an empty crib, and then you

As she lets you go

You’re falling, falling

Into the hands

Of family

You will stand

A sign in your generation

A voice for life and love

addiction

You think

We can give you our hearts, our spleens, our blood

And somehow it won’t affect us

So you’re fine

And we’re bleeding out

And we can’t stop loving you

We try and we try

And you’re running and falling

Every day could be your last

We’re lying in bed, staring at the ceiling

Unable to sleep, wondering where you are

Hearts shattering a million times

While you smoke the rent and laugh and laugh

And you never see, you never see, you never see

The fallout

The tears that keep your boat from sinking

Are not the ones you cried

And when you’re through

And you’re cold and hungry and tired

You want a safe place to rest your head

But our shoulders are tired

From carrying the weight of your sin

Your life, your death and your pride

birth.family.

"People say he has my ears," I tell you,

and we all laugh

because he has your ears

and your eyes and your blood

the cord that holds us together

is him 

and whether he knows or not, yet

his family is deep and wide and beautiful

for a moment 

I am looking in two sets of crystal blue eyes

two dimpled chins

the same rosebud mouth I see every day, today I see on you

because he is part of you

he holds my hand

he holds all our hearts

we will always be connected

evan, rees, seven

seven

i remember being seven

in heaven, is it a little the same?

I'm okay, you know

not whole, because part of me is you

but okay

somedays, though, it is agony

to know just a veil separates us

brothers, blonde and strong, tumbling

just on the other side of the screen

between me and you

when I close my eyes 

I can see you, almost

my sons, my babies, my boys

flesh of my flesh, spirit

I love you

Tracie

They want to know
And you want them to understand
But they can’t, not really
And you find yourself, time and time again
In the center, explaining while they cry


And you’re mad
Because it didn’t have to be this way
And it’s worth it, every minute
But it didn’t HAVE to be this way


Your heart, your eyes, your arms ache
He is rich, and alive, and so much more
And you want them to understand
But they can’t, not really
They stand on the outside, pity and admiration and fear


And you’re lonely, I know
I wish I could help
But I’m here too


I want to say
That hope doesn’t die
And love makes it worth it
And you will live through this, and grow
That every crisis will make you love him more
That there will be easy days, full of laughter
And that I understand, even if I can’t think of anything to say