waiting room

a frozen moment
when i know you are falling

and i am running, running to catch you
as you hit the ground

and i am waiting, waiting, waiting
to see if you are the same
or irreversibly broken

and i am wondering
could i have stopped you?
if my arms were longer
or if i were different....

and i am waiting, waiting
with the beeping and the blood
waiting for you to be you again

wealth

to think

that only moments ago

i was bereft

weeping into empty hands

to think 

that i am so rich

only minutes ago

i cried at the hope

of ever laughing again

i ached for the touch

of a child

and now

i ache with the joy

arms overflowing

and wide open

the Call California

i am standing in the sea

we are the waves

You are the wind

when You breathe

we move as one

wave upon wave upon wave

and the shore is eroding

we win, because You win

there's a shift in the sand

something changed

and i was a part

tears

tonight
you weep into your pillow
i hold your hand, across the miles

fingers clasped over the ocean
the agony of shared suffering
i know i know i know

my heart is so knit
i can feel the breaking from here
the sharp longing of what should have been

A

and you just keep looking
you give away and sell and sell
looking

and he's not the answer
and neither was he
or he or he

and my heart is breaking
when you call me in tears
because he didn't fix you either

and you poison your blood
to forget, to remember
to kill the truth

and you call me, terrified
because death follows you
and my heart is breaking

and still you run, baby girl
in sick, bloody circles
from the only Daddy who knows

Peculiar

Long matted ponytail
Khakis and loafers
Chains and black fingernails
Buttons and zippers
Leather bound Bibles
and broken down satchels

Can you see them?
They’re an army of contradictions
Marching in formation
A parade of opposites

Somehow
We all love the same Man
It’s a beautiful impossibility

Daddy's hands

I used to take my little hand and put in on your palm if you closed your fingers my hand disappeared
I used to fold your fingers down one after another strong and worn biggest hands in the world
This morning it was raining and a tiny hand held mine opening, closing
Thanks for teaching me how

Grace

the thing about grace is
it's amazing
undeserved
and sufficient

what kind of God
offers absolution?
what kind of God
buys back captives?

it's enough to make
a sinner a lover
captured forever

March to DC

Weary steps
plodding, dragging
Alone with a cause
pressing toward the Mark

Two now
a little stronger
United in purpose
We are here! We are here!

A group
Weak and valiant
Voices raised
So they can hear us

An army
Weeping warriors
Broken with Your dreams
We march in cadence

A multitude
fatherless yet Fathered
watching the tide turn
as we pray

Aslan

approaching You
so much wilder than I knew
fire and light and blazing eyes
I wanted You to be cuddly

Livi

Beyond the veil
you run and play
childish laughter fills the air

You are caught up
by scarred arms
and embraced, beaming

Your eyes sparkle
as you nestle deep
the safest place in the universe

You live, Livi
Just beyond the curtain
You are hidden to me
But you live

for my friend

tape
or pin or stitch
a word aptly spoken
a gentle nudge
an alarmed cry
a shouted warning

this time I can't stop you
and I can't fix it
torn

bigger hands than mine
will have to put the pieces together
not how they were, never again
but new

the Call Alabama

There's thousands of us here
and nobody really knows why
except maybe if we join together and ask
You will come
and remove the curse from this nation

We're all badly broken
and flawed, so flawed
but maybe, if we lift You up
You'll draw us near

The sound is deafening
a multitude of hearts breaking
with Yours, for Yours

And maybe we've got it right
maybe we've got it wrong
but we can't stop asking
that much we know

I said, You said

Condemn it, I said.
Just tear the whole thing down.
It's been wrecked beyond repair, I said.

No, no. You said.
There's beauty in these ruins.
Wait a little, You said.

The pain is too great, I said.
It will swallow me whole.
I can't see for the smoke, I said.

Look here, You said.
There's diamonds from the coals,
You will shine again, You said.

I'm beginning to see, I said.
Afraid to hope but hoping.
Maybe You can rebuild me, I said.

brynn's 1st birthday

bright
smiles and blue eyes

brynn means hopeful, you know
you remind me every day

deep
my heart aches over you
tiny one, my baby girl

you bring joy
in countless ways
and you aren't even trying

you are beauty and song
we celebrate you
with kisses and nicknames
and the ocassional piledrive from a brother

feminine
your rosebud lips and dainty charm
tiny fingers and fingernails always reaching